If you were once an avid reader of "Britain's Brightest Pop Magazine!" Smash Hits, there's a good chance you remember the legend of Black Type.

Overlord of the Letters page, his Blackness conducted proceedings in a heavily deranged manner, answering readers' queries with rambling soliloquies about the Queen, bees, Sir Clifford of Richard and his signed "pin up" photo of Winsome Wincey Willis. 

Dear Ol' Blackie was written from 1985 onwards by the amazingly brilliant writer Tom Hibbert, who sadly died in August this year (read a lovely piece by friend and colleague Mark Ellen here.)

Every letter printed received a commemorative pendant (i,e, a badge), but the BEST letter recieved, from 1986 onwards, the Black Type Tea Towel. GASP.

Here's Black Type himself, introducing the infamous towel:

Lummee! Here he is a few months later, with the tea towel "in action":

I never got my hands on a tea towel. Admittedly, this is largely because I'm not sure I ever wrote in – but that hasn't stopped me from wanting one. As I get crinklier, the desire to dry plates and "crockery" using some cloth emblazoned with Black Type's "wisdom" grows stronger.

So, spurred on by having nothing better to do of a Saturday evening, I looked through some back issues, scanned in the only images of the tea towel I could find (above), and with the aid of Photoshop and a magnifying glass, recreated the scribblings of Tom "Tom" Hibbert. It looks like this:

I decided it would be a fine idea to get myself down to the nearest tea towel printing "emporium" and get one made. And then I thought – crivens! Surely other tragic thirtysomethings would give their left ear to get hold of one of these cotton relics?!???

I checked with Mark "fab Macca wacky thumbs aloft" Ellen and Barry "Baz" McIlheney if it would be OK to rip off and flog Black Type's creation – and they said yes! Hooray.

Those fine people at The Clever Baggers reckon they can print me 100 tea towels for £198.49. I'll happily sit at home and stuff them into envelopes, and I reckon the postage cost will be a £1 'large letter' stamp.

So who wants one? I'm reluctant to fork out £200 and then find myself lumbered with a vast quantity of tea towels, so I'm proposing that if you do want one, you part with £3 before I get them printed. I hope that's OK.

To place an order and pay me £3 (a snip!) please CLICK HERE! 

UPDATE: The tea towels have sold out. Sorry if you didn't get one. If you ordered, thank you – I'm going to do my best to get them out before Christmas. 12/12/11

Who the Hell do I think I am?

A well-meaning clot, who is doing this in a rather amateur fashion, so please be patient with me. The printers say the turnaround will be 10-15 working days, and I won't send the file off to print until I get a steer on numbers. 

My motivation for all of this is selfishness and nostalgia, along with a desire to commemorate the late, great Tom Hibbert – a man whose writing and japery delighted and influenced many. 

If you've got any queries or problems or hiccups, please send me an email:

blacktype@nadiashireen.com